Catching up! R1P2VLCD#14

Today is my VLCD#15!

Quick catch up...

I had a small emotional melt down on Christmas Eve. My husband and I have had a tradition, since our very first year we were married, and because of the diet I had to skip out on it for the first time in 6 years! Basically, our first Christmas we had to spend all alone, it was my first holiday away from my family and as a newlywed I was highly emotional anyway! Ha ha! Growing up my family always had a special dinner on Christmas Eve and I really wanted to do that for my own family. Well, the day came and I had to work and by the time I got off work the stores were closed in the tiny town we lived in (where stores closed at like 7!) I had not bought ANYTHING for a traditional Christmas meal. No roast, no turkey, no ham... the only meat in the freezer was boneless skinless chicken breast. I cried and cried as I improvised a last minute meal using the very few ingredients we even had (broke, starving college students!!) Anyway, what turned out was one of the best meals we'd ever had - it was a chicken pasta dish that I have made every single year since. Well, preparing that for my little family this year and not being able to eat any of it just broke my heart. It was really hard to skip it, but I decided that I need to stay diligent and next year I will have a small serving! That was a hard meal.

I have done pretty good at not cheating over the holidays, though at Christmas dinner at my grandmothers there really was nothing at all that was on protocol so I did my best to stick to what I know of food and eat high protein and high nutrient. Everything went well as I didn't have a gain!! I lost .2 pounds and then today I'm the same.

I'm at 165.4 today. So it's slowing down, but I also know that I haven't been perfect on the plan. Today I am doing great, and have my day planned out so I know I'm prepared and won't divert from my course. :)

A few things I've learned through this thus far...

1) Phase 1 was the first time in as long as I can remember that I ate without feeling guilty. Even when eating healthily, or when eating at a normal meal time and a normal portion size, I always have associated guilt with eating. Eating truly guilt free during those 3 days was such a new experience, and it really opened my eyes to the fact that I often eat food I want to enjoy just because it's good but I am never really enjoying it! If that makes any sense... It was a big eye opener.

2) Phase 2 has been so restrictive and at first I had days where I really thought there's no way I can do this. There have been days where I was just so ready to throw in the towel - 500 calories?! Are you kidding me??? But I've learned to listen to my hunger. The HCG really does release your fat stores, you really aren't hungry because you have the fuel you need, and if I'm being honest with myself the feelings I'm having are not of hunger but of deprivation and addiction withdrawal. Deprivation of foods that I shouldn't have had part of my daily diet anyway, and withdrawal from the chocolates, cookies, breads and pastas... I had really built my diet around foods that I knew were not benefitting me but I ate them anyway. This restrictive phase has really brought me back to that place where I eat to fuel my body, I eat to live - not live to eat. Do I look forward to reaching phase 4 and re-introducing some things into my diet? Sure I do! I can't wait to eat oatmeal again! I can't wait to have a normal date night with my husband (normal will be different now, of course, but with more options on the menu than the side salad?!) I look forward to "getting out of jail" but while I'm here I really am grateful for what I'm learning. This is day 14 of my VLCDs and I can honestly say the next 7-10 days are not overwhelming to me like the last couple weeks were at first. I can see clearly that I needed some re-education, some re-structuring of my lifestyle and some serious re-evaluation of my health. I feel good. And I'm really excited to see where I end up on the scale at the end of this round!!

3) I don't need to snack to feel happy. I have spent the better part of the last 6 years snacking... I was a college student who often had to skip regular meals so I grazed through out the day. Then I was pregnant with terrible morning sickness through most of the pregnancy, so I ate what sounded good because that's all I COULD eat, and often that meant grazing throughout the day. Being a new mom, you graze. Then pregnant again... graze. A toddler and a newborn?? Graze. There is not a lot of time focused on meals for mom, that's just how it is. My kids are at a stage now where, yes I'm going all the time, but I also don't have to rely on grazing to get any food in. We sit down together and have regular meals - in fact, I'm pretty lucky because we usually eat 3 meals together a day as a family. It's pretty awesome. But the grazing habit has stuck around! With Phase 2 I'm realizing how much of my day was spent snacking when I had no idea what I was doing. Sitting down at the computer without a snack those first few days on P2 really freaked me out! I was shocked to realize how much between-meal eating I was really doing. And I'm soooooo happy to say that I can see clearly how unnecessary that is and how satisfying a bottle of ice cold water is during those times!

It's been a real trip. I'm hoping to get about 7-10 more days out of this round, we'll see. I'm hoping to get to 157 (don't know why, that's just my magic # this round!) but if I don't I'm still thrilled with my progress. 11 pounds in 14 days is pretty dang impressive. Still sticking to that .78-.8 a day average for pounds lost! If I keep that up, I will be to my goal in 10 days. But I'm hoping to speed things up slightly with more strict adherence to the protocol as I have already had a 3 day plateau during the 14 days! We'll see how it goes. :)