Have I really been at this 18 days??! Honestly, the tough days are over. I am used to this. I think about oatmeal, pancakes, sushi, french fries... and then I realize I don't really want them. I just miss different textures and flavors, and I am looking forward to incorporating some new things in P3. And to be done eating ground beef and chicken for awhile. :) New meats... that'll be nice. Today I didn't lose or gain - just maintained. Which is just fine, 163 is a really new weight for me and I am weirdly grateful to have a day or two to enjoy that number and wrap my head around it. I haven't seen 163 since 2010.
I'm embarrassed about my post yesterday, but I've been thinking about this a lot. I think it's important to strip down to the emotions. Obviously, the friend situation isn't the reason I'm overweight. But the way I cope is. I'm excited to be finding new ways to cope. And just putting things into perspective over the last couple of weeks - there are so many struggling with much worse and I should be finding ways to be of service to them rather than dwelling on my own really silly issues. That'll be one of my coping mechanisms... service, just giving to others instead of focusing on myself. I think the world needs more of that and it makes me feel good to help someone in need. I'll talk more about it tomorrow... which brings me to...
New Years Resolutions. I have just a couple, I'll probably share them tomorrow. Most dealing with wellness - mental, physical and spiritual. 2012, looking back, has been one of the most difficult I've ever gone through. And it really wasn't that bad, I'm still here and still doing just fine. I'm really optimistic and looking forward with hope and faith that we're being taken care of and that the struggles I'm experiencing right now are temporary. Hoping and praying my husband can find work this year, this MONTH if possible. This has been the biggest struggle of all - financially, supporting a business and a family isn't possible when you're trying to grow the business and keep it from burning out. There hasn't been enough to split between the two, and family has had to come first. So I've been supporting the family 100% and the business is stagnant. Which is never a good place to be. Optimistic for this new year... ready for it. I feel like things are going to get better. They really have to.
Anyway, HCG wise things are great. I don't feel snacky, I don't feel deprived, I'm enjoying new recipes and trying new things and feeling spoiled by a few new teas to drink.
Favorite recent recipe...
Grapefruit Chicken Spinach Salad
It is what it sounds like...
100 grams sliced/shredded/diced chicken breast
2 cups spinach
Half grapefruit, cut out the sections and pop them onto the top of the salad and chicken.
Squeeze out the remaining grapefruit juice from that half, sprinkle Stevia and sea salt on top.
Enjoy! Sweet, salty, sour... delicious. I am craving it right now and knowing it's my dinner has me really looking forward to this evening! :)
Monday, December 31, 2012
Sunday, December 30, 2012
R1P2VLCD#17, the day I have an emotional word vomit
The verdict for this past week - I lost 3.6 lbs total and a big goose egg for inches. Weird, seeing as my clothes are fitting way better today than they did last Sunday.
Anyway. I don't want to talk about food today. Well, I kind of do. I guess I want to talk about WHY I over eat. I've always been a highly emotional person - I care... a lot. Which means I'm hurt... a lot. I try really hard to just keep that all in check and be a normal even keel person on the outside but the truth is I mask a lot of hurt feelings. Recently I went through a really painful experience that I'm honestly ashamed is still affecting me so badly. I'm a grown woman, I'm an adult... a wife, a mother... a business owner, a hard working contributing person. Yet I recently found myself in the most middle school of friendship situations.
For context... we live in a pretty small town. And what they say about small town drama is no stretch of the truth. We get it here, bad. I have lived here since I was 10, only leaving for college for a couple of years. Growing up here was hard - the kids at school were less than nice to me especially in middle school. High school was tough, too, but for the most part I found my place and was able to have a pretty good experience "not giving a shit" through most of it. But honestly the HARDEST part of living here has been during my adult life. Because I got pretty savvy to the small town drama, I decided I'd be pretty choosy about my friendships. I have my family here, it's not like I don't have people to spend time with. But a girl needs friends, right?! I just haven't put myself out there very much, I've absorbed myself in my work and my kids and it hasn't left any time for playing or girls nights. The girls that used to invite me to do things just quit after I said no like a dozen times. That hurts sometimes. But I get it. I became close with a mom that goes to my church, we had a lot in common and spent a lot of time talking on the phone or going out to the late movie after the kids were in bed and hubbies were home to enjoy time to themselves. In fact, I'd call her my BFF if I wanted to be REALLY middle school about it. We were BFFs. Honestly I didn't have any other friends here. I had really friendly acquaintances, but no one else that I go do things with or would just call randomly to vent or chat or ask advice. She was my person, pretty much my only person.
Well, through my work I met a girl who also owns a business and she and I hit it off right away. We actually went to high school together but I didn't know her real well growing up. We really had a lot of good vibes, we could talk about literally anything and she was so much fun. Just crazy, fun. She doesn't have kids so her life is a lot more flexible and because we worked in the same building we'd see a lot of each other, we'd do lunches and would find ways to incorporate our work with one another so we got to spend more time together. I think BFF got a little jealous of this friendship because, while it didn't mean I spent any less attention on her, she was in the same 1-friend-in-this-town boat as I was! So of course, I tried to incorporate her and make sure she wasn't feeling left out. She'd drop in frequently, we had a good time. Well Work Girl and I were both struggling with the building we were in (we own our own businesses) and decided we would try to find a building to ourselves that we'd share. Our businesses were hitting it off, just like we were as friends, so why not just permanently incorporate the two.
There was a perfect building downtown that I'd been eying for 3 or 4 years, I knew I needed to have that building. Well, the building came open just at the time we were discussing this. I heard about it first, I told her to come look at it with me. We went, we looked at it and fell in love - put money down and moved just a few weeks later! It was a whirlwind, totally crazy. At first things were just nuts, how to incorporate the two businesses visually with out stepping on one anothers toes was a really fine line we were walking. It was around this time that I feel like I got to know her even better and in a lot of ways I was feeling kind of disappointed - I realized she was spending a lot of time talking badly about other people, something I try to completely avoid. I don't want to be involved in the small town drama, I have worked really hard to maintain my integrity as a good person and I don't want to spread the crap around. She does. A lot. Which looking back, I wish I'd known just before we'd decided to move - I probably never would have made that decision. It may seem silly, but that's honestly a deal breaker to me. You never know what people like that are saying behind YOUR back. I would prefer to know what's being put out there about myself. I realized I'd put myself right in the fire when I started hearing things around town about myself that simply were not true, and of course I knew where they generated. It was heart breaking to feel like I trusted someone so much and they were just... fake. And mean.
Before long I noticed she was pushing me out of the space. She'd arrange her retail stuff to hide my space, which by the way I paid half of the rent, everything down the middle, and was using about 1/3 of the space. So to have my "down town presence" disguised was really frustrating. Then, the summer came and my husband had to take a job out of state. He was gone for 2 months (the only 2 months he's been able to work in the last 14! yeah, it's stressful up in here). I had to bring my work home, to work around my kids nap and school schedule, it was the only way it'd work. This is when everything really went to crap. She began telling people that I was a flake, that I was flaking out on her. WHAT?! And I spent literally zero minutes at the space for those 2 months, literally - no time. And I was still paying half of the utilities, per our agreement, but when the electric bill was $300 and I used NO electricity, AND I was getting gypped out of the space we'd agreed was mine, AND I was getting smeared publicly by her, I had enough! Working from home was just fine, in fact it was better than working down town in a lot of ways. But I didn't want to leave her in the lurch - I wasn't going to just leave. I had to talk to her about it and figure something out. It was so weird, I went in to talk about all this with her and before I could say anything she says, "You know, if you need to get out you should just get out, I have a LOT of people interested in sharing space here with me, I'm going to be just fine." So I decided not to try to talk about any of the other stuff, she had just given me my out and I didn't need to give more fuel for the fire, more stuff for her to talk about me behind my back about! I decided to keep it as basic and stripped down as possible, as little drama as necessary. She didn't NEED me there anymore. So I told her I'd never considered leaving, which was true, and that I'd think about it and talk to my husband about it that night. We both agreed this was the right thing, so the next day I told her I was giving my 30 days notice but that I would get my stuff out IMMEDIATELY so she could start using the space that much sooner - meaning I paid for that months rent, but she was getting the whole space. In every single decision I defaulted to what was the benefit of her business - I did as I was taught growing up, I put others needs before mine. And you know what? I got really burned. Because I was out a TON of money, and if anything I just made my business look flaky for moving for such a short period of time, and I opened myself up to a lot of public smearing. She is a TALKER, she is in touch with a lot of people on a daily basis. And I was getting Facebook messages, emails, phone calls about wanting to know the story about what happened, because this and this and this is what they had heard from her - all of which was totally misrepresented and untrue.
During this time... BFF and Work Girl became pretty close. Shocker, right? I really know how to pick 'em. BFF called me at one point and said "You know I love you both and I'm not going to pick sides." I said, "There are no sides to pick, she and I came to this conclusion together and everything is fine, we both did what was best for our businesses" (which is TOTALLY true, all emotion aside, this really was better for both of us) And she said, "Well, I just don't want to be caught in the middle." Which is hilarious- obviously she was hearing things about me, HER BFF, and wasn't defending me the way a BFF should because she "wasn't going to pick sides". There really were no sides to pick, but wouldn't it be nice to know that if there WERE, your best, closest and only friend would have your back and be loyal to you? Well. I realized with that friendship that I was putting a lot of the effort into the friendship for quite some time - if we visited, it's because I called. If we did something like go out to dinner or the movies it's because I invited. I decided to go cold turkey and let her fight for the friendship a little bit because at this point I couldn't care less how everything ended up. I felt really hurt. She never called. She never asked me to do anything. She never emailed. She has texted a few times "I miss u! Let's get together and catch up soon!" I don't want to be fake with her, the truth is our friendship has REALLY changed. In fact, she now works at Work Girl's store one day a week and literally every time I drive past her car is parked there where she's obviously just shooting the shit. She did choose a side, in the end. And I hope she doesn't get hurt the way I did by that friendship but I will never trust either of them the way I used to. I don't mind being casual friends, the occasional girls night or whatever, but I will not share personal things or ask advice or rely on them for anything. During those 2 months while my husband was working out of state and things fell apart at work with our arrangement, neither one of them checked on me, brought me a Chai Latte or called to see how I was doing as a single working mother, putting in 40-60 hours a week WHILE THE KIDS SLEEP. Do you know how crazy that is? They weren't there for me, not once. No one was. Actually, to be honest, my HAIR DRESSER was - she offered several times to bring her kids over to play with mine so we could just chat. She was very sweet. I never took her up on it, but she was the only person that made me feel like I was being thought about or cared about at all during that really hard time.
Obviously I need to get over this all. During the last 6 months or so that all this has happened, my weight did go up and I was really emotionally eating a lot. I kept feeling so stupid for feeling so hurt and worked up about all this, I wanted to convince myself that my emotions weren't valid and I tried to shut them up with food. I really didn't have anyone to talk to about all of this, and I'm the kind of person that just has to vent to get over it. So maybe this is me venting to get over it, I don't know.
I do know that I don't trust people easily and I think I come across as a little stand-offish to new people, maybe I'm not easy to befriend. But I have a lot of love to give and I like to have fun and socialize. It's been so hard feeling so lonely for the last long time. I mean, really really lonely.
I'm not sure why I had to just word vomit all of that... I don't even know if I feel better now. I do know that I lost 3.6 pounds this week and I'm pretty proud of that, I'm proud of my changing body and my changing habits. I'm really ready for P2 to be over with, I'm putting in at least another 6 days of it, trying to lose another 6 or 7 pounds before I go into P3. So... let's see how it goes! :)
Anyway. I don't want to talk about food today. Well, I kind of do. I guess I want to talk about WHY I over eat. I've always been a highly emotional person - I care... a lot. Which means I'm hurt... a lot. I try really hard to just keep that all in check and be a normal even keel person on the outside but the truth is I mask a lot of hurt feelings. Recently I went through a really painful experience that I'm honestly ashamed is still affecting me so badly. I'm a grown woman, I'm an adult... a wife, a mother... a business owner, a hard working contributing person. Yet I recently found myself in the most middle school of friendship situations.
For context... we live in a pretty small town. And what they say about small town drama is no stretch of the truth. We get it here, bad. I have lived here since I was 10, only leaving for college for a couple of years. Growing up here was hard - the kids at school were less than nice to me especially in middle school. High school was tough, too, but for the most part I found my place and was able to have a pretty good experience "not giving a shit" through most of it. But honestly the HARDEST part of living here has been during my adult life. Because I got pretty savvy to the small town drama, I decided I'd be pretty choosy about my friendships. I have my family here, it's not like I don't have people to spend time with. But a girl needs friends, right?! I just haven't put myself out there very much, I've absorbed myself in my work and my kids and it hasn't left any time for playing or girls nights. The girls that used to invite me to do things just quit after I said no like a dozen times. That hurts sometimes. But I get it. I became close with a mom that goes to my church, we had a lot in common and spent a lot of time talking on the phone or going out to the late movie after the kids were in bed and hubbies were home to enjoy time to themselves. In fact, I'd call her my BFF if I wanted to be REALLY middle school about it. We were BFFs. Honestly I didn't have any other friends here. I had really friendly acquaintances, but no one else that I go do things with or would just call randomly to vent or chat or ask advice. She was my person, pretty much my only person.
Well, through my work I met a girl who also owns a business and she and I hit it off right away. We actually went to high school together but I didn't know her real well growing up. We really had a lot of good vibes, we could talk about literally anything and she was so much fun. Just crazy, fun. She doesn't have kids so her life is a lot more flexible and because we worked in the same building we'd see a lot of each other, we'd do lunches and would find ways to incorporate our work with one another so we got to spend more time together. I think BFF got a little jealous of this friendship because, while it didn't mean I spent any less attention on her, she was in the same 1-friend-in-this-town boat as I was! So of course, I tried to incorporate her and make sure she wasn't feeling left out. She'd drop in frequently, we had a good time. Well Work Girl and I were both struggling with the building we were in (we own our own businesses) and decided we would try to find a building to ourselves that we'd share. Our businesses were hitting it off, just like we were as friends, so why not just permanently incorporate the two.
There was a perfect building downtown that I'd been eying for 3 or 4 years, I knew I needed to have that building. Well, the building came open just at the time we were discussing this. I heard about it first, I told her to come look at it with me. We went, we looked at it and fell in love - put money down and moved just a few weeks later! It was a whirlwind, totally crazy. At first things were just nuts, how to incorporate the two businesses visually with out stepping on one anothers toes was a really fine line we were walking. It was around this time that I feel like I got to know her even better and in a lot of ways I was feeling kind of disappointed - I realized she was spending a lot of time talking badly about other people, something I try to completely avoid. I don't want to be involved in the small town drama, I have worked really hard to maintain my integrity as a good person and I don't want to spread the crap around. She does. A lot. Which looking back, I wish I'd known just before we'd decided to move - I probably never would have made that decision. It may seem silly, but that's honestly a deal breaker to me. You never know what people like that are saying behind YOUR back. I would prefer to know what's being put out there about myself. I realized I'd put myself right in the fire when I started hearing things around town about myself that simply were not true, and of course I knew where they generated. It was heart breaking to feel like I trusted someone so much and they were just... fake. And mean.
Before long I noticed she was pushing me out of the space. She'd arrange her retail stuff to hide my space, which by the way I paid half of the rent, everything down the middle, and was using about 1/3 of the space. So to have my "down town presence" disguised was really frustrating. Then, the summer came and my husband had to take a job out of state. He was gone for 2 months (the only 2 months he's been able to work in the last 14! yeah, it's stressful up in here). I had to bring my work home, to work around my kids nap and school schedule, it was the only way it'd work. This is when everything really went to crap. She began telling people that I was a flake, that I was flaking out on her. WHAT?! And I spent literally zero minutes at the space for those 2 months, literally - no time. And I was still paying half of the utilities, per our agreement, but when the electric bill was $300 and I used NO electricity, AND I was getting gypped out of the space we'd agreed was mine, AND I was getting smeared publicly by her, I had enough! Working from home was just fine, in fact it was better than working down town in a lot of ways. But I didn't want to leave her in the lurch - I wasn't going to just leave. I had to talk to her about it and figure something out. It was so weird, I went in to talk about all this with her and before I could say anything she says, "You know, if you need to get out you should just get out, I have a LOT of people interested in sharing space here with me, I'm going to be just fine." So I decided not to try to talk about any of the other stuff, she had just given me my out and I didn't need to give more fuel for the fire, more stuff for her to talk about me behind my back about! I decided to keep it as basic and stripped down as possible, as little drama as necessary. She didn't NEED me there anymore. So I told her I'd never considered leaving, which was true, and that I'd think about it and talk to my husband about it that night. We both agreed this was the right thing, so the next day I told her I was giving my 30 days notice but that I would get my stuff out IMMEDIATELY so she could start using the space that much sooner - meaning I paid for that months rent, but she was getting the whole space. In every single decision I defaulted to what was the benefit of her business - I did as I was taught growing up, I put others needs before mine. And you know what? I got really burned. Because I was out a TON of money, and if anything I just made my business look flaky for moving for such a short period of time, and I opened myself up to a lot of public smearing. She is a TALKER, she is in touch with a lot of people on a daily basis. And I was getting Facebook messages, emails, phone calls about wanting to know the story about what happened, because this and this and this is what they had heard from her - all of which was totally misrepresented and untrue.
During this time... BFF and Work Girl became pretty close. Shocker, right? I really know how to pick 'em. BFF called me at one point and said "You know I love you both and I'm not going to pick sides." I said, "There are no sides to pick, she and I came to this conclusion together and everything is fine, we both did what was best for our businesses" (which is TOTALLY true, all emotion aside, this really was better for both of us) And she said, "Well, I just don't want to be caught in the middle." Which is hilarious- obviously she was hearing things about me, HER BFF, and wasn't defending me the way a BFF should because she "wasn't going to pick sides". There really were no sides to pick, but wouldn't it be nice to know that if there WERE, your best, closest and only friend would have your back and be loyal to you? Well. I realized with that friendship that I was putting a lot of the effort into the friendship for quite some time - if we visited, it's because I called. If we did something like go out to dinner or the movies it's because I invited. I decided to go cold turkey and let her fight for the friendship a little bit because at this point I couldn't care less how everything ended up. I felt really hurt. She never called. She never asked me to do anything. She never emailed. She has texted a few times "I miss u! Let's get together and catch up soon!" I don't want to be fake with her, the truth is our friendship has REALLY changed. In fact, she now works at Work Girl's store one day a week and literally every time I drive past her car is parked there where she's obviously just shooting the shit. She did choose a side, in the end. And I hope she doesn't get hurt the way I did by that friendship but I will never trust either of them the way I used to. I don't mind being casual friends, the occasional girls night or whatever, but I will not share personal things or ask advice or rely on them for anything. During those 2 months while my husband was working out of state and things fell apart at work with our arrangement, neither one of them checked on me, brought me a Chai Latte or called to see how I was doing as a single working mother, putting in 40-60 hours a week WHILE THE KIDS SLEEP. Do you know how crazy that is? They weren't there for me, not once. No one was. Actually, to be honest, my HAIR DRESSER was - she offered several times to bring her kids over to play with mine so we could just chat. She was very sweet. I never took her up on it, but she was the only person that made me feel like I was being thought about or cared about at all during that really hard time.
Obviously I need to get over this all. During the last 6 months or so that all this has happened, my weight did go up and I was really emotionally eating a lot. I kept feeling so stupid for feeling so hurt and worked up about all this, I wanted to convince myself that my emotions weren't valid and I tried to shut them up with food. I really didn't have anyone to talk to about all of this, and I'm the kind of person that just has to vent to get over it. So maybe this is me venting to get over it, I don't know.
I do know that I don't trust people easily and I think I come across as a little stand-offish to new people, maybe I'm not easy to befriend. But I have a lot of love to give and I like to have fun and socialize. It's been so hard feeling so lonely for the last long time. I mean, really really lonely.
I'm not sure why I had to just word vomit all of that... I don't even know if I feel better now. I do know that I lost 3.6 pounds this week and I'm pretty proud of that, I'm proud of my changing body and my changing habits. I'm really ready for P2 to be over with, I'm putting in at least another 6 days of it, trying to lose another 6 or 7 pounds before I go into P3. So... let's see how it goes! :)
Friday, December 28, 2012
R1P2 VLCD#15
Down .4 lbs today!
Today was pretty good! I loved my lunch, I turned some extra lean ground beef into onion burgers, topped with sliced roma tomato. It was really delicious, I felt pretty spoiled eating it with my grissini! Funny the little joys I'm finding when I end up with a meal I actually enjoy! haha!
Dinner was also beef-based, made a "stew" with diced tomatoes, beef broth and ground beef. I am now officially sick of beef and hopefully tomorrow I'll be able to mix it up because I am burning out fast on certain foods.
I would really like to be done with my drops (P2) on January 3rd so by the time P3 is done it'll be my birthday and I can do a small-scale celebration (you know, like actually eat a piece of cake on my birthday!!) I'm also hoping to start an awesome round of Biggest Loser Challenge on the Wii and have a couple weeks of that under my belt before my birthday, too. Clothes shopping will just be a lot more fun if I'm a little toned! :)
I won't finish on the 3rd if I feel like I can keep pushing through but honestly I am really feeling worn out and burning out already. I'm feeling foggy-brained and just worn out. Could be mom-syndrome but I think P2 is not going to last as long as I'd originally planned when I got started (I totally thought I'd be a 40 day round or something Olympic-dieter style!) Wrapping up on the 3rd would make it a 21 day round of VLCDs.
Anyway... today was great looking back over how I ate, I drank TONS of tea so that helps and I just stayed really busy so I didn't have time to think about food. :)
Today was pretty good! I loved my lunch, I turned some extra lean ground beef into onion burgers, topped with sliced roma tomato. It was really delicious, I felt pretty spoiled eating it with my grissini! Funny the little joys I'm finding when I end up with a meal I actually enjoy! haha!
Dinner was also beef-based, made a "stew" with diced tomatoes, beef broth and ground beef. I am now officially sick of beef and hopefully tomorrow I'll be able to mix it up because I am burning out fast on certain foods.
I would really like to be done with my drops (P2) on January 3rd so by the time P3 is done it'll be my birthday and I can do a small-scale celebration (you know, like actually eat a piece of cake on my birthday!!) I'm also hoping to start an awesome round of Biggest Loser Challenge on the Wii and have a couple weeks of that under my belt before my birthday, too. Clothes shopping will just be a lot more fun if I'm a little toned! :)
I won't finish on the 3rd if I feel like I can keep pushing through but honestly I am really feeling worn out and burning out already. I'm feeling foggy-brained and just worn out. Could be mom-syndrome but I think P2 is not going to last as long as I'd originally planned when I got started (I totally thought I'd be a 40 day round or something Olympic-dieter style!) Wrapping up on the 3rd would make it a 21 day round of VLCDs.
Anyway... today was great looking back over how I ate, I drank TONS of tea so that helps and I just stayed really busy so I didn't have time to think about food. :)
Thursday, December 27, 2012
Catching up! R1P2VLCD#14
Today is my VLCD#15!
Quick catch up...
I had a small emotional melt down on Christmas Eve. My husband and I have had a tradition, since our very first year we were married, and because of the diet I had to skip out on it for the first time in 6 years! Basically, our first Christmas we had to spend all alone, it was my first holiday away from my family and as a newlywed I was highly emotional anyway! Ha ha! Growing up my family always had a special dinner on Christmas Eve and I really wanted to do that for my own family. Well, the day came and I had to work and by the time I got off work the stores were closed in the tiny town we lived in (where stores closed at like 7!) I had not bought ANYTHING for a traditional Christmas meal. No roast, no turkey, no ham... the only meat in the freezer was boneless skinless chicken breast. I cried and cried as I improvised a last minute meal using the very few ingredients we even had (broke, starving college students!!) Anyway, what turned out was one of the best meals we'd ever had - it was a chicken pasta dish that I have made every single year since. Well, preparing that for my little family this year and not being able to eat any of it just broke my heart. It was really hard to skip it, but I decided that I need to stay diligent and next year I will have a small serving! That was a hard meal.
I have done pretty good at not cheating over the holidays, though at Christmas dinner at my grandmothers there really was nothing at all that was on protocol so I did my best to stick to what I know of food and eat high protein and high nutrient. Everything went well as I didn't have a gain!! I lost .2 pounds and then today I'm the same.
I'm at 165.4 today. So it's slowing down, but I also know that I haven't been perfect on the plan. Today I am doing great, and have my day planned out so I know I'm prepared and won't divert from my course. :)
A few things I've learned through this thus far...
1) Phase 1 was the first time in as long as I can remember that I ate without feeling guilty. Even when eating healthily, or when eating at a normal meal time and a normal portion size, I always have associated guilt with eating. Eating truly guilt free during those 3 days was such a new experience, and it really opened my eyes to the fact that I often eat food I want to enjoy just because it's good but I am never really enjoying it! If that makes any sense... It was a big eye opener.
2) Phase 2 has been so restrictive and at first I had days where I really thought there's no way I can do this. There have been days where I was just so ready to throw in the towel - 500 calories?! Are you kidding me??? But I've learned to listen to my hunger. The HCG really does release your fat stores, you really aren't hungry because you have the fuel you need, and if I'm being honest with myself the feelings I'm having are not of hunger but of deprivation and addiction withdrawal. Deprivation of foods that I shouldn't have had part of my daily diet anyway, and withdrawal from the chocolates, cookies, breads and pastas... I had really built my diet around foods that I knew were not benefitting me but I ate them anyway. This restrictive phase has really brought me back to that place where I eat to fuel my body, I eat to live - not live to eat. Do I look forward to reaching phase 4 and re-introducing some things into my diet? Sure I do! I can't wait to eat oatmeal again! I can't wait to have a normal date night with my husband (normal will be different now, of course, but with more options on the menu than the side salad?!) I look forward to "getting out of jail" but while I'm here I really am grateful for what I'm learning. This is day 14 of my VLCDs and I can honestly say the next 7-10 days are not overwhelming to me like the last couple weeks were at first. I can see clearly that I needed some re-education, some re-structuring of my lifestyle and some serious re-evaluation of my health. I feel good. And I'm really excited to see where I end up on the scale at the end of this round!!
3) I don't need to snack to feel happy. I have spent the better part of the last 6 years snacking... I was a college student who often had to skip regular meals so I grazed through out the day. Then I was pregnant with terrible morning sickness through most of the pregnancy, so I ate what sounded good because that's all I COULD eat, and often that meant grazing throughout the day. Being a new mom, you graze. Then pregnant again... graze. A toddler and a newborn?? Graze. There is not a lot of time focused on meals for mom, that's just how it is. My kids are at a stage now where, yes I'm going all the time, but I also don't have to rely on grazing to get any food in. We sit down together and have regular meals - in fact, I'm pretty lucky because we usually eat 3 meals together a day as a family. It's pretty awesome. But the grazing habit has stuck around! With Phase 2 I'm realizing how much of my day was spent snacking when I had no idea what I was doing. Sitting down at the computer without a snack those first few days on P2 really freaked me out! I was shocked to realize how much between-meal eating I was really doing. And I'm soooooo happy to say that I can see clearly how unnecessary that is and how satisfying a bottle of ice cold water is during those times!
It's been a real trip. I'm hoping to get about 7-10 more days out of this round, we'll see. I'm hoping to get to 157 (don't know why, that's just my magic # this round!) but if I don't I'm still thrilled with my progress. 11 pounds in 14 days is pretty dang impressive. Still sticking to that .78-.8 a day average for pounds lost! If I keep that up, I will be to my goal in 10 days. But I'm hoping to speed things up slightly with more strict adherence to the protocol as I have already had a 3 day plateau during the 14 days! We'll see how it goes. :)
Quick catch up...
I had a small emotional melt down on Christmas Eve. My husband and I have had a tradition, since our very first year we were married, and because of the diet I had to skip out on it for the first time in 6 years! Basically, our first Christmas we had to spend all alone, it was my first holiday away from my family and as a newlywed I was highly emotional anyway! Ha ha! Growing up my family always had a special dinner on Christmas Eve and I really wanted to do that for my own family. Well, the day came and I had to work and by the time I got off work the stores were closed in the tiny town we lived in (where stores closed at like 7!) I had not bought ANYTHING for a traditional Christmas meal. No roast, no turkey, no ham... the only meat in the freezer was boneless skinless chicken breast. I cried and cried as I improvised a last minute meal using the very few ingredients we even had (broke, starving college students!!) Anyway, what turned out was one of the best meals we'd ever had - it was a chicken pasta dish that I have made every single year since. Well, preparing that for my little family this year and not being able to eat any of it just broke my heart. It was really hard to skip it, but I decided that I need to stay diligent and next year I will have a small serving! That was a hard meal.
I have done pretty good at not cheating over the holidays, though at Christmas dinner at my grandmothers there really was nothing at all that was on protocol so I did my best to stick to what I know of food and eat high protein and high nutrient. Everything went well as I didn't have a gain!! I lost .2 pounds and then today I'm the same.
I'm at 165.4 today. So it's slowing down, but I also know that I haven't been perfect on the plan. Today I am doing great, and have my day planned out so I know I'm prepared and won't divert from my course. :)
A few things I've learned through this thus far...
1) Phase 1 was the first time in as long as I can remember that I ate without feeling guilty. Even when eating healthily, or when eating at a normal meal time and a normal portion size, I always have associated guilt with eating. Eating truly guilt free during those 3 days was such a new experience, and it really opened my eyes to the fact that I often eat food I want to enjoy just because it's good but I am never really enjoying it! If that makes any sense... It was a big eye opener.
2) Phase 2 has been so restrictive and at first I had days where I really thought there's no way I can do this. There have been days where I was just so ready to throw in the towel - 500 calories?! Are you kidding me??? But I've learned to listen to my hunger. The HCG really does release your fat stores, you really aren't hungry because you have the fuel you need, and if I'm being honest with myself the feelings I'm having are not of hunger but of deprivation and addiction withdrawal. Deprivation of foods that I shouldn't have had part of my daily diet anyway, and withdrawal from the chocolates, cookies, breads and pastas... I had really built my diet around foods that I knew were not benefitting me but I ate them anyway. This restrictive phase has really brought me back to that place where I eat to fuel my body, I eat to live - not live to eat. Do I look forward to reaching phase 4 and re-introducing some things into my diet? Sure I do! I can't wait to eat oatmeal again! I can't wait to have a normal date night with my husband (normal will be different now, of course, but with more options on the menu than the side salad?!) I look forward to "getting out of jail" but while I'm here I really am grateful for what I'm learning. This is day 14 of my VLCDs and I can honestly say the next 7-10 days are not overwhelming to me like the last couple weeks were at first. I can see clearly that I needed some re-education, some re-structuring of my lifestyle and some serious re-evaluation of my health. I feel good. And I'm really excited to see where I end up on the scale at the end of this round!!
3) I don't need to snack to feel happy. I have spent the better part of the last 6 years snacking... I was a college student who often had to skip regular meals so I grazed through out the day. Then I was pregnant with terrible morning sickness through most of the pregnancy, so I ate what sounded good because that's all I COULD eat, and often that meant grazing throughout the day. Being a new mom, you graze. Then pregnant again... graze. A toddler and a newborn?? Graze. There is not a lot of time focused on meals for mom, that's just how it is. My kids are at a stage now where, yes I'm going all the time, but I also don't have to rely on grazing to get any food in. We sit down together and have regular meals - in fact, I'm pretty lucky because we usually eat 3 meals together a day as a family. It's pretty awesome. But the grazing habit has stuck around! With Phase 2 I'm realizing how much of my day was spent snacking when I had no idea what I was doing. Sitting down at the computer without a snack those first few days on P2 really freaked me out! I was shocked to realize how much between-meal eating I was really doing. And I'm soooooo happy to say that I can see clearly how unnecessary that is and how satisfying a bottle of ice cold water is during those times!
It's been a real trip. I'm hoping to get about 7-10 more days out of this round, we'll see. I'm hoping to get to 157 (don't know why, that's just my magic # this round!) but if I don't I'm still thrilled with my progress. 11 pounds in 14 days is pretty dang impressive. Still sticking to that .78-.8 a day average for pounds lost! If I keep that up, I will be to my goal in 10 days. But I'm hoping to speed things up slightly with more strict adherence to the protocol as I have already had a 3 day plateau during the 14 days! We'll see how it goes. :)
Sunday, December 23, 2012
Phase 2 Recipe: "Lasagna"
I've always loved meat sauce - never been a big fan of meat, but put it in a sauce or salad and I can enjoy it. This reminded me so much of my mom's lasagna, which we usually don't have any cheese on but if we do it's goat cheese (we're all dairy sensitive! And it's SOOO good without it!).
I just simply omitted the noodles and goat cheese, and it was divine - probably the best and most filling lunch I've had since starting the VLCDs!!
P2 "Lasagna"
1/2 cup Hunts Tomato Sauce (make sure there's no sugar, and that it's all natural - organic if possible)
112 grams extra lean ground beef
Half box frozen chopped spinach
Salt, garlic powder, pepper to taste
Basically, prepare your beef (I always have pre-cooked beef and chicken in my fridge so I can just whip up my lunches!), defrost your spinach, mix the beef and spinach together in a bowl, stir in the tomato sauce and season to taste! Super super easy and SOOOO yummy (especially with a grissini on the side!) No picture because this doesn't LOOK too super appetizing, but the flavor... very good.
I just simply omitted the noodles and goat cheese, and it was divine - probably the best and most filling lunch I've had since starting the VLCDs!!
P2 "Lasagna"
1/2 cup Hunts Tomato Sauce (make sure there's no sugar, and that it's all natural - organic if possible)
112 grams extra lean ground beef
Half box frozen chopped spinach
Salt, garlic powder, pepper to taste
Basically, prepare your beef (I always have pre-cooked beef and chicken in my fridge so I can just whip up my lunches!), defrost your spinach, mix the beef and spinach together in a bowl, stir in the tomato sauce and season to taste! Super super easy and SOOOO yummy (especially with a grissini on the side!) No picture because this doesn't LOOK too super appetizing, but the flavor... very good.
P2VLCD#11: Awesome weigh in, finally!
After a rough couple of days I rocked the scales with a 2.6 loss this AM! SOO happy, makes it all feel worth it again. Let's be honest, the digestive system has been super sluggish and yesterday things were finally moving along, so I'm sure that had to do with the loss finally!
Yesterday went pretty much according to plan - taking a baggie of dehydrated apples and a grissini stick to the movies was GENIUS. I also ordered a small Diet Dr Pepper, which I think technically is not on protocol, but I love having a soda at the movies. It's the rare occasion I even drink soda, and if I wasn't on P2 or P3 I would have gotten regular instead of diet as I really try to stay away from the chemical sugars. Anyway... it was a little treat, something I indulge in just a couple of times a year. I will say, on 500 calories and after not having caffeine very frequently - my heart was racing!! LOL!
I'm still thinking about that shrimp salad yesterday - that was really tasty. I will be having something like that again next week, can't wait! Trying to limit fish/sea food to 1-2 times a week.
My average daily loss to date is .78 pounds. If I keep that up, I'll be well in the 150's when it's time to hit Phase 3! That would be awesome, that's my goal is to be to 157 so that when I have to keep my weight within 2 lbs of that I'm not egging into the 160s again! We'll see how it goes!!
This is really going very quickly, I am already starting my third week!
So, I put all my stats into a google doc and I'm linking that below - hope it works!
~hcgmom87
https://docs.google.com/spreadsheet/ccc?key=0AuZ4yzHuGT59dGFObWc2b3FvTW10QWRtalBVSk1FUlE
Yesterday went pretty much according to plan - taking a baggie of dehydrated apples and a grissini stick to the movies was GENIUS. I also ordered a small Diet Dr Pepper, which I think technically is not on protocol, but I love having a soda at the movies. It's the rare occasion I even drink soda, and if I wasn't on P2 or P3 I would have gotten regular instead of diet as I really try to stay away from the chemical sugars. Anyway... it was a little treat, something I indulge in just a couple of times a year. I will say, on 500 calories and after not having caffeine very frequently - my heart was racing!! LOL!
I'm still thinking about that shrimp salad yesterday - that was really tasty. I will be having something like that again next week, can't wait! Trying to limit fish/sea food to 1-2 times a week.
My average daily loss to date is .78 pounds. If I keep that up, I'll be well in the 150's when it's time to hit Phase 3! That would be awesome, that's my goal is to be to 157 so that when I have to keep my weight within 2 lbs of that I'm not egging into the 160s again! We'll see how it goes!!
This is really going very quickly, I am already starting my third week!
So, I put all my stats into a google doc and I'm linking that below - hope it works!
~hcgmom87
https://docs.google.com/spreadsheet/ccc?key=0AuZ4yzHuGT59dGFObWc2b3FvTW10QWRtalBVSk1FUlE
Saturday, December 22, 2012
Phase 2 Recipe: Spicy Orange Shrimp
Spicy Orange Shrimp
fast, easy and YUMMY!
4.5 oz shrimp meat (frozen, pre-cooked)
Garlic powder
Curry powder
Ginger powder
Crushed red pepper
2-3 Tablespoons veg. broth, chicken broth, or water
1 clementine
Romaine lettuce
Heat the veg. broth in a frying pan, add shrimp and add a dash of each of the seasonings on top - depending on how strong you like your spicy/sweet ratio! Half a clementine, juice one half. Once the shrimp is heated through and has had time to simmer in the flavors of the spices for 5-8 minutes, plate it on top of a serving of romaine lettuce, add the remaining half of the clementine sections, and drizzle the juice from the other half of the clementine over top. Serve with grissini (I broke half my grissini into the salad for some crunch, it was divine!)
This recipe was adapted from this stir fry recipe: http://recipes.sparkpeople.com/recipe-detail.asp?recipe=1297366
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